It started as a really nice day…

My mind is still sort of all over the place and emotionally, I am exhausted. Though it is hard to not think about all the “what if’s”, I am trying to focus on the fact that Beth Ann and I are both safe, our running friends and acquaintances are all accounted for and that hopefully soon some semblance of normalcy will resume.

After picking up Jillian, Beth Ann’s friend to whom we owe a world of gratitude to for raising over $5,000 for the Ace Bailey Children’s Foundation which means so much to us, I drove the two marathoners into Boston to catch the buses from Boston Common to the starting line. We parked and I stayed with them as they lined up to catch the buses out to Hopkinton. After waving goodbye to them and snapping the requisite pre-race photos, I made my way to a Starbucks for a cup of coffee, bought a plum for breakfast at a fruit stand and walked up to Copley Square.

As someone who works in Boston, my morning pre-work runs often times takes me toward Copley to run over the finish line, head out to Fenway and just take in all the sights and sounds of a city that is one of the best places I could ever imagine to run. I know the area, I run the area, the area is a part of my life.

As I made my way through Copley, I took some photos at the finish line. Though crowds had yet to funnel in, the bleachers were lined up, barricades set up, media stand in position and the finish line was freshly painted the remarkable blue and yellow the race is so well known for.

After spending some time at Copley, I made my way to the Green Line to take the subway out to Woodland which was right near the Mile 17 marker. Beth Ann and Jillian knew I would be waiting there and I staked out my position before the first wheelchair or runner came through the area. Though somewhat cloudy, the morning was really nice. I proudly donned my 2012 Boston Marathon jacket and had my camera ready to go to take photos of first the wheelchair race, then the women elite runners and then the men. The crowd was large, happy and certainly unassuming as to what might transpire just a short time later.

When Beth Ann and Jillian came upon me at Mile 17 I immediately had goose bumps.  Jillian was running her first ever marathon and given what Beth Ann went through just two short years ago with our daughter Cailin seeing them immediately brought this sense of joy over me. They were happy, smiling, clearly enjoying themselves and were everything I know them to be; particularly when they took the woman who was handing out homemade chocolate chip cookies as fuel up on her offer. I encouraged them forward and told them, “You are in single digit miles to go, great job!” Such simple words seem pointless now, but I probably will never forget them.

I walked back to the Green Line and boarded the train back toward the Hynes stop. The subway was absolutely packed with fans that were in town for the Marathon and the Red Sox game taking place the same way they always coincide on Patriots Day. Stepping out of the train at Hynes I was relieved to finally be able to get off the train and move outside not knowing what I would soon be stepping toward.

As I walked away from the station toward the finish line it became quickly evident something was not right. All of a sudden what seemed to be hundreds of police cars, ambulances, unmarked cars, fire engines and more started flying toward the finish line area. Police officers began screaming, telling people to “move, move quick, get away” and then came the SWAT teams, snipers and vehicles that looked more suited for a wartime battlefield than something responding to something taking place in an urban setting. Word quickly spread that bombs went off and it was a “mass casualty” event. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, what to think. I tried calling some people and the phone calls wouldn’t go through. My internet still seemed to work as I figured out more on Twitter and Facebook and posted a quick message on Facebook that I was okay and Beth Ann was, as well. I had voicemails popping up on my phone which I couldn’t listen to and text messages dinging in that I couldn’t read.

I tried calling Jillian’s husband who was waiting along the course to see Beth Ann and Jillian but the phone lines were jammed with traffic it took me several tries to get through to him. When I finally reached him, I explained what was happening and told him to tell Beth Ann I was okay and would try to call when I knew more.

Though I work in the area, I was in a fog and trying to figure out how to get to my car seemed like a task that I was simply unable to solve. I finally got Jillian on the phone and talked with Beth Ann and assured her I was okay and would try to get out of the city. Having seen the race come to a stop, I knew they could not go any further so they told me they would get away from the city.

Having parked earlier that morning at the Transportation Building just a few blocks from Copley, it should have taken me just a few minutes to get to my car and get out of the city. It took forever, partially due to roads being blocked off, partially due to police officers moving crowds off streets we were trying to walk down and partially because I was dazed. I remember seeing things and remember some sounds but also remember hearing nothing and not knowing what was happening. Thoughts of Cailin and Caroline raced through my mind every time I saw a parent with their child assuring them nothing was the matter. I could barely keep myself together and was thankful Caroline wasn’t with me as we had kicked around possibly doing.

I felt myself shaking at times, crying when I didn’t know if Beth Ann was safe and for the first time in my life I felt really scared for myself. I remember the moment I saw Cailin being born and them rushing her to the NICU and recall that fear of the unknown but this time I had a fear that was different. I have never feared for my safety the way I did yesterday and hope I never have to again.

When I finally reached my car I sped as quickly as I could to get onto 93 and then 24 to get home. I knew Beth Ann and Jillian were safe in a cab on their way to Quincy Adams with Jillian’s husband and father but not seeing Beth Ann still weighed tough. As I drove home, countless ambulances, police cars and other emergency vehicles continued to head toward Boston. I had the news on the radio but had to turn it off. My hands were shaking on the wheel and trying to get home was the only thing on my mind.

When I arrived home I talked with Beth Ann and learned she was just a few exits away and would be home soon as would Caroline and Cailin; whom Beth Ann’s parents were watching for the day. When I saw Beth Ann and Jillian a certain sense of relief finally set in but it was all still really hard to digest. We had dinner and put the girls to bed and tried watching television for a bit but focusing on a show was basically impossible.

Many people left voicemails, sent texts or emails, made comments on Facebook and Twitter and reached out in so many different ways. To try and thank each of you would be near impossible but rest assured each and every interaction means a lot to me.

Yesterday started out as a really nice day. I was proud of Beth Ann and Jillian, ecstatic when I saw them at Mile 17 and eager to see them cross the finish line together. They trained so hard and together became what they called Best Running Friends or BRF’s. To see them not be able to finish the Marathon hurts but knowing they are safe and sound is most important.

The attack that took place yesterday shattered so many lives. There are those who were injured and killed, those who were nearby and witnessed the carnage, those like myself who were a block away and scared about what was taking place. There were runners who were running their first marathon ever. There were people running a marathon to raise money for a charity near and dear to them; running 26.2 miles to show a commitment to something bigger than them. There were runners who planned to do Boston once and then hang up their marathon running shoes. There were people cheering in loved ones and people volunteering for the event. Yet somebody or some group had to ruin that for those people.

People asked me all day today how I was doing; a nice gesture but sort of tough to get through time and time again. When Beth Ann asked if I wanted to just go to the grocery store tonight with the girls, I immediately responded “yes” as it would allow a little bit of normalcy to work its way back in. I will put my sneakers on later this week and will go for a run to clear my mind a bit which too will add some normalcy back into my routine.

What happened yesterday at the Boston Marathon is something that I will never forget; yet I don’t think I am alone. As I seek to regain some normalcy, I will work to move past what took place and focus on the good. When running a marathon, people sometimes tell you to “put one foot in front of the other” for 26.2 miles and that lesson certainly rings true here. Take each day by putting “one foot in front of the other” and no matter what’s at hand, a finish line will be straight ahead and that finish line will be a sign of good things, positive things and hopefully a better world for us all.